this was my comment on premarital sex and virginity on voices of youth page (i have made slight alteration)
virginity before marriage is insisted keeping in mind the gulliblity of the young and the immature. in the name of progressiveness many young people throw all care and responsibility to the wind and have casual sex thinking that they would very soon marry each other and hence it is ok to sleep together. but how many promises are kept after the act??? and how many hearts broken after the act? how many abortions underwent? and how many cases of depression seeking psychiatrist's help? and how many completed or attempted cases of suicides after the act because promises could not be kept up and the young girl is unable to face the society?
so in order to reduce such incidents, in the interest of the youth, it is safe to have sex within the institution of marriage. and some young people are of the opinion that sex is a very important aspect of marriage and hence the need to find out the compatibility factor before one marries. like all other compatibility factors, sexual compatibility in a marriage also needs understanding, cooperation and patience. it can be more pleasurable when done under the secure relationship of a marriage than under an insecure relationship. outside of marriage, it is more an impulsive act that can lead to many regrets later on.
hence, youth, think hundred times before you act and be aware of the consequences and your responsibilities. and be sensitive to your partner's emotions when she refuses to give in to your request for sex.
8 comments:
I absolutely disagree. The cult of virginity has been responsible for the oppression of women for throughout human history.
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but how many promises are kept after the act??? and how many hearts broken after the act? how many abortions underwent? and how many cases of depression seeking psychiatrist's help? and how many completed or attempted cases of suicides after the act because promises could not be kept up and the young girl is unable to face the society?
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These side effects are PURELY a result of society's condemnation of sexuality. Abortions wouldn't even occur if there was more research into birth control options.
And the psychological effects are due to our society's condemnation of girls who lose virginity before marriage. Guys would not have to lie to women if women were more liberal in the first place.
Remember, monogamy is NOT the natural state of humans (based on any study of evolutionary psychology), and marriage is an institution created by society to artificially rig the mating market.
The societies that are most stringent about sex are also the most abusive. Look at the status of women in India, Muslim Countries, China, and Latin America vs. Europe and the US. Correlate that with attitudes towards promiscuity.
World Poverty, Terrorism, Genocide, Global Warming, Meat Eating, Dysgenics.
THESE are the problems to worry about. NOT promiscuous sex!
Dear anonymous,
Thank you for visiting my blog, reading the post and sending in a beautiful, emotionally charged comment disagreeing with the view expressed in my post. I have always liked healthy disagreements and I welcome your thoughts. Thank you.
The opinion expressed by me in the post is purely in the context of our society and the cases that have come to me in my professional experience as a psychological counsellor. The state of affairs in western countries need not be aped without using our god given discretion.
In my very first sentence, “virginity before marriage is insisted keeping in mind the gullibility of the young and the immature”. Please notice the words ‘gullibility’ and ‘immature’ – young people who are easily influenced by others without being able to have an independent thinking of their own. They often misjudge a situation and get into problems later on. It is purely this population that I was keeping in mind when I wrote that article.
That also does not mean that I endorse casual sex between two intelligent, mature adults. Casual sex always carries with it the risks that I have mentioned already in my post and also the greatest threat to one’s health, in the form of HIV/AIDS or Sexually Transmitted Diseases. However intelligent a person may think he/she is and take all kinds of precautions to avoid these risks, precautions are never 100% safe.
You say that boys are forced to lie to their partners because girls do not comply with their request for sexual favours due to so many inhibitions instilled in their minds by an oppressive society. Don’t you see the lack of concern for the girl’s sentiments here by the boy who tells lies just to fulfill his selfish desire? If he were to respect her sentiments, he would not force the issue upon her, but wait for the friendship to develop into a more matured relationship, wherein each one understands the other and has care and concern and act in the interest of each other and not with a selfish motive. Marriage in India is still a highly esteemed institution. The emotional support and back up that it provides a young couple within the institution is not available to the couple outside of it and hence the increased vulnerability.
I agree that many of these societies who oppress a woman’s expression of sexuality are also the most abusive. But surely, permitting sexual promiscuity can not be a solution for this. That would lead to more chaos and more depression and taking recourse in substance abuse among the young, like how it is happening in the western countries. It looks very rosy when you see young couples enjoying total sexual freedom on TV channels. But the same channels forget to air what the consequences of promiscuity are!
The need of the hour is sex education to youngsters and educating the adults about the necessity of imparting this education to the young ones. I believe that knowledge is power. I am also aware that there is every chance of misusing this power. Hence the need to also equip them with how to use this knowledge in the healthy interest of all people concerned.
I agree that issues like World Poverty, Terrorism, Genocide, Global Warming, Meat Eating, Dysgenics need our urgent attention; So also promiscuity. All these issues need to be dealt with parallelly and we can not prioritize one over the other as they share equal importance.
According to wikipedia:
"only 3 percent of mammals engage in social monogamy. The incidence of sexual monogamy appears quite rare in the animal kingdom. It is becoming clear that even animals that are socially monogamous engage in extra-pair copulations.[1]"
Psychological effects of switching partners are totally rooted in society's intolerance of sexuality.
anonymous, the debate here is not about monogamy vs polygamy. it is just about how safe (physically and emotionally) or unsafe is premarital sex. if somebody wants to enter this, it is their choice and their life. let them fully be aware of the possible consequences. it is better to be safe than to be sorry.
This interview of UG is really interesting... The build up of sex and love
Question: Marriage is a necessary part of any organized society, but you seem to be against the institution of marriage. What do you say? Please also explain the problem of sex. Why has it become, next to war, the most urgent problem of our day?
read an answer here
There should be nothing "Pre" associated with sex. Sex should be the happy climax and the culmination of two people coming together in heart and soul. People meet through their heads first. When they spend time getting to know each other's values and beliefs their hearts come together. Family and friends know us best. So meeting families and friends throws more light into the persons past and present lifestyle. Compatibility is not tested with physical pleasures it is tested with thoughts, convictions and dreams for the future. How can two people not enjoy each other sexually when their minds and hearts are in snyc?
Premarital sex should be considered too big a risk to take. The consequences of haste can be very damaging. Testing Compatibility, attraction, promises to keep are all not justifications. We have no right to take the chance of ruining someone else's life......we should try to strengthen each others.....that takes time
Someone I know,, his wife a few months after marriage had an accident and entire body below neck got paralyzed. Though being a young and eligible gentleman, yet he did not marry again no matter how many times everyone tried to pressurise him but is taking care of his wife devotedly.
I feel such people are really precious examples in our society.
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